It's been 11 months since I last posted something on this space. In fact, I nearly forgot the existence of this blog until something made me pretty mad today.
A group of friends and I are having a potluck party this weekend. We all know this fat girl (let's call her M) who isn't coming for the party, so she isn't in the party Whatsapp group. Well, we were chatting in the group, trying to decide how much food each person should bring, and someone said (as a joke) that we had to ration the amount of calories. Another guy said, "Oh please, only M would need to count calories." Yet another guy said, "I think we need M to come and help us finish all the leftovers."
My insides were burning with anger, such that I was extremely tempted to exit the group.
I hate it when people suggest that fat people should eat less than non-fat people. I don't think it's fair. If the fat person in question is fat to the extent that it takes a toll on his/her health, then it's okay to suggest that the person engages in a weight loss regime so that s/he will be healthier. This is acceptable to me because it is done out of genuine concern for the person. But honestly, how many people who believe that fat people should eat less actually articulate their views out of care and concern? Most people who make such comments do it mockingly and nastily. They say such things as a joke (because the idea of someone else being fat is apparently hilarious and ridiculous). They think they're being witty and charming by making mean jokes at the expense of a fat person.
On the other hand, some people tell their fat friends that they should eat less, in a truly concerned manner, but their "concern" is for their friends' physical appearance rather than their health. I've had people tell me that I should eat less if I don't want to gain weight, and when I ask them "what's wrong with gaining weight", there's always a slight pause before they throw in the "being fat is unhealthy" card. I know that health is not their primary concern. They're indirectly telling me that if I eat too much and I gain weight, I will regret it because I will be unhappy with looking fatter, thus I'd better think twice before eating something unhealthy. Well, if I don't mind looking fat (not that I truly don't), who are you to dictate that I should adopt certain eating habits just so that I will not become someone that you don't like to look at? People just assume that everybody is not okay with looking fat. It's not altogether unfair for them to assume since society does perpetuate that notion, but blind assumptions are often offensive.
Thirdly (in response to the last guy's comment), I hate it when people automatically assume that fat people eat more than non-fat people. It might apply for some fat people, but not for all. I definitely don't eat more than my skinny friends do. We eat the same amounts, get the same amount of exercise, sleep the same amount, do the same amount of work, and yet we are different sizes. Why is it so hard for people to understand that being fat is not always about lifestyle? Yes, lifestyle makes a difference, but that isn't all there is to size.
I know some people will think that I'm being terribly overly sensitive to such comments and remarks. Well, you will never understand what it's like to be me, to be a fat person living in a fat-shaming society and being surrounded by fat-shaming friends. If you are indeed in the same boat as me, and you don't have a problem with friends who fat-shame, it either means that you're oblivious to instances of fat-shaming, or you're just strong enough to not care about it. Either way, I admire you.
