Friends Who Insult Fat Celebrities

One thing that gets on my nerves is when my friends insult fat celebrities. I am referring specifically to celebrities who were skinny in the past, but grew fatter over the years.

Example One: Christina Aguilera
I remember one time, I was raving to my friends about how awesome Christina Aguilera's voice is. On a side note, Xtina is probably one of the blackest-sounding white singers in the industry. I've always admired the richness and fullness of her voice, and her control of tone and pitch, and her amazing melisma abilities (as you can probably tell, I'm really into singing).

Anyway, this is the gist of our conversation.

Friend 1: But... she became damn fat over the years.
Me: That's because she recovered from being anorexic and bullimic when she was younger!
Friend 2: Maybe she should have just stayed anorexic. She looked so much better when she was skinny.

Example Two: Demi Lovato

I'm a pretty big fan of Demi Lovato, and I am impressed by how much her vocal abilities have improved over the years, from her Camp Rock Disney days to the release of her latest single "Heart Attack".

Demi came to Singapore in March this year, and a few days before she came, I was telling my friend how exciting it was that she would be in Singapore very soon.

Friend 3: Hmm... but she became a bit "fatty" recently.
Me: So what?!? Are you saying that if Taylor Swift became fat, you would stop being her fan?
Friend 3: I don't know, maybe.

---

I can't even begin to describe how angry I was at these friends of mine.

Firstly, it makes absolutely NO SENSE that singers have to conform to the world's standards of beauty in order to maintain their fan base. Aren't we supposed to admire celebrities because of their abilities and personalities, rather than the way they look? If you admire a celebrity for being pretty, it's as good as saying "I love you so much because you were born this way. Thank you for being born pretty." which, if you think about it, is freaking ridiculous, because it's not like people can choose to be born beautiful or ugly. This is also why I will never understand the Korean Pop fanatics, who adore pretty Korean singers with no vocal talent whatsoever. I think it would make much more sense to be fans of the plastic surgeons who cut open and realigned the faces of such Kpop singers. At least they have skill?

Secondly, how shitty must your value system be to actually suggest that a celebrity, or any person for that matter, was better of having an eating disorder? So, we should encourage people to starve themselves, purge their food, become psychologically obsessed with their appearance and develop a mental disease, because looking pretty to other people is so much more important?

Sometimes I really hate my friends. It just makes me think wonder... Since I was skinny when I was fifteen due to my eating disorder, and I gained the weight back after deciding to stop my diet, do these so-called friends of mine think that I should never have stopped being anorexic?

Musings

It has been a long time since I last updated this space.

I've been feeling rather down about my weight lately. The boy I love has gotten himself a skinny bitch for a girlfriend. I'm prettier than her, smarter than her, wittier than her... The only area where she's better than me is being skinny.

I know I'm just blaming everything on my fats, and labelling that horrid girl a slut and bitch just because I'm jealous. I don't even know her. I've never spoken to her or met her. She probably has an awesome personality. What about me? I just wallow away in self-pity and insecurity, which is probably what turns others off rather than the fats.

Moving on.

My A Level exams are over. I did pretty well. I've got some scholarship offers and a place in a good university, which I am infinitely grateful for.

I feel proud of all that I have achieved. I have excelled academically and in co-curricular activities. But then I take one look at my fat self and realised that this is one area where I don't match up to society's standards. I suppose nobody can excel in every single area of his/her life.

I just don't want to be left on the shelf when I grow older.

I also feel like I need some control over my life. This period of waiting for university to start is extremely fluid and flexible, and I don't like that!! I like having a routine to follow. I love regularity.

I know it will be detrimental to both my physical and psychological health to start dieting again, because it will most likely spin out of control. However, I feel the need to have some control over this aspect of my life right now. Everything is changing and nothing is constant anymore. On Sundays, I hardly know what to anticipate for the coming week. Anything could happen.

I went for a scholarship interview today, and the interviewer asked me about my eating disorder (yes, I always use it when I apply for scholarships because it makes me seem courageous and causes me to be more memorable, and it's an excellent way to promote yourself because you can vomit out all the things you've learned). Anyway, the interviewer asked me why I did not consider counselling. I seriously did not know what to say. I just didn't want to be turned into a case file, and to be labelled as someone who has a mental problem. Let's face it, we always treat people who have had mental issues in the past differently, even though they may have fully recovered.

You see, the thing is, I do want to be able to accept myself, and yet, I know that when I accept myself, I will never even try to lose weight again, and I'll remain fat forever, and I don't WANT to remain fat!! Yet, I also know that when I accept myself, then it wouldn't matter whether I was fat or not. Isn't that right? Ah, this is indeed a complicated matter.

We should form an association of fat people and kill all the skinny bitches who give us dirty looks on the street.

Just kidding. Jail probably wouldn't have enough room for all of us. We'd be too fat to fit into the jail cells. Ahahaha.

Cheers, fellow fat friends. If we remain unhappy with ourselves, we are letting the skinny bitches who look down on us win!! That's the only thing that keeps me from starving myself again.