Fat Calves - Wobble Wobble Wobble!

There are times when I have to sit cross-legged on the floor in school. My school skirt automatically moves up my legs whenever I sit in that fashion, so about half my thighs and all of my calves are fully visible.

I despise the roundness of my calves whenever I sit in that fashion. My calves form a very obvious curve, and in fact, they bulge so much that half the calve touches the thigh. I look at my friends' beautiful, slender calves that are so thin that the fat part of their calves do not even tough the underside of their thighs!!

When I'm standing, it's not that bad because at least the fats are stretched out and therefore do not look that round. But when I sit down, my legs look like they have been transformed completely. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think that my legs, when standing up, look kinda nice. But if I ever have to sit down cross-legged during the day, all those fantasies disappear and I face the harsh, cold, cruel reality of the fatness of my calves.

Worst of all, sometimes my friends pinch their calves and whine about how fat their calves are. This shows that:

1. They think having fat calves is a bad thing.
2. They think my calves are absolutely disgusting, considering how much fatter my calves are than theirs!

Hmm, maybe I should dream of having calves like these. But then I would be severely kidding myself. A lump of fat cannot even wish to ever be transformed into bulging muscles like those.

I Like Big Butts... NOT!

I have a gigantic butt, and I am not exaggerating.

Sometimes I use the excuse of my anorexic past to explain why I have a big butt: Women in general lose weight in the breasts first, and they gain weight in the buttocks and thigh areas first. I can testify to this, because when I first started dieting, I distinctly remember that my bra got looser, and now that I have gained back my weight, my butt is ginormous.

I hate my ginormous butt. It sticks out like nobody's business. I look horrible when I wear pants or shorts, because you can distinctively see the huge mountain of my butt that protrudes unattractively from the rest of my body. In fact, it's so big that it always bumps into everything! I can barely buy any shorts that FIT, because of my fat thighs and butt. So now I'm stuck with gigantic pants and shorts, because people with a butt as big as mine are meant to be proportionally bigger everywhere else as well! I'm big everywhere, but I am especially big in the butt, so the proportions are all wrong.


Everytime I walk past a shiny wall and I look at my side-view reflection, I feel like puking in disgust at the sight of the sack of fat that hangs off my bottom. I suppose the only way to hide my big butt is to wear loose skirts that expand toward the bottom. Ugh! Being fat really limits the kind of clothes you wear.

On a side note, contrary to the song "I Like Big Butts" by Sir Mix A Lot, men in Singapore definitely do not like big butts. In fact, a big butt would totally turn them off!

Fat People are Sweaty People

This morning I was in school having morning assembly. It was a pretty hot day (well, duh, it's Singapore). The sun was practically roasting me, so I started to sweat buckets. My hair stuck together because of the sweat. My clothes became soaked with sweat at the back and the chest. Sweat trickled down my face and it tickled terribly.

This always happens! Even if it's not very hot, the walk from the bus stop into school always makes me tired out and sweaty. Then I look around at my friends, and not a single one of them has a drop of sweat on their clothes. I sweat even more than the guys do! How utterly embarrassing!

After assembly, one of my friends will never fail to tell me, "Wow, Candice, you're sweating so much! Why are you sweating so much?" Now, what am I supposed to say? Uh, because I'm fat? And thank you so much for telling me that I am "sweating so much", because I would be the last person to realize that!


I don't even know why fatter people sweat so much. Is it because it's tiring to lug around a ball of fat everywhere you go?

Whatever it is, I hate the look people give me when they see my sweaty face and wet clothes. It's as though I am a fat slob who gets tired out at the littlest bit of activity. Oh wait, I am a fat slob who gets tired out at the littlest bit of activity!

This also makes it useless to shower in the morning - the moment I'm out of my house, I start sweating! No point getting clean if you're going to get sticky just a few hours later!! =.=

The Car Sinks & Rises

Whenever I get into a car, the entire car sinks. I'm not exaggerating; the car literally goes a little lower on the side where I got in. And accordingly, the side where I've been sitting rises when I get out of the car, and it even makes a creaking sound while it rises.

I think this is particularly embarrassing, because something as big and strong as a car reacts to my weight so dramatically, which implies just how vast my weight is! And that creaking noise it makes when I get out? It's as though the car is sighing in relief that it doesn't have to entertain my fat bum anymore ):

So I always have to get in and out of the car very very gradually so that the sinking and rising of the car is not that obvious to anybody outside the car. I also make it a point to be the last one to get into the car, so that everybody is already safely in the car and therefore will not witness the entire car sinking. Similarly, I always try to be the first one to get out, so that nobody will be outside the car and able to see the car rising as I get out.

The efforts that fat people such as myself take to virtually appear less fat (or to give people hardly any reason to think that we are any fatter) may sound quite laughable, but hey, if you're not fat, don't judge, because there's hardly any chance that you will understand at all.

I Feel Pregnant All The Time!

For skinny girls, it's normal for their stomachs to be flat when they stand up (without sucking it in!), and to bulge slightly when they sit down and hunch.

But imagine what it's like for fat girls! When we stand up, our tummies already bulge out! So when we sit down, what on earth happens? Our tummies bulge out even more, and whenever it happens to me, I can't help but feel like a pregnant lady.

That's why I never ever wear clothes that hug my stomach, because the degree of fat around my stomach will be way too obvious when I sit down, and people do judge you for that. I am forced to suck in my stomach with all my strength and might whenever I sit down, just so that my pregnant-lady-look-a-like stomach is not as visible as it could be.

Another reason to hate being fat! Frankly, it's embarrassing to have that large a stomach when you're not even pregnant. Even as I am sitting down in front of my computer, typing this post, I look down at my bulging stomach of FATS and I feel embarrassed about it, even though I'm the only one in the room. Being fat definitely plays psychological games with you.

Fat Girls Aren't Allowed to Wear Mini Skirts?

I have a close girl-friend from school. Let's just call her X. I had an interesting conversation with her the other day...


X: You know, the other day, I was on the bus, and I saw this woman wearing a mini skirt. She was really rather fat, so the sight was quite disgusting!

Me: So is the mini skirt disgusting, or is it her fatness that makes it disgusting?

X: Well, her fatness just made it even more disgusting!

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Once again, this is a classic case of unfair treatment. Fat women aren't allowed to wear the same clothes as skinny women. Fat women aren't allowed to show their legs, but skinny women are free to (... and desired to by creepy old men). Fat women don't have much freedom in the kind of clothes they can wear without receiving dirty looks from strangers, as though they're breaking some sort of fashion rule.

What's the deal with the discrimination? So because I'm fat, my legs don't look as nice as skinny girls' legs, and I am therefore not allowed to show them? I fail to see the logic in that!

The way my friend described the incident made it sound like it was a crime for that woman to wear a mini skirt, just because she was fat. But would anyone have judged a super skinny girl for doing the same thing? I hardly think so.

Also, does that mean that if I were really REALLY fat, and I wore a mini skirt to my friend's party, she would say the very same thing about me to all her friends? It's times like these when I wonder who my real friends are - I want friends who wouldn't judge someone for being fat or ugly or stupid or whatever.

What irks me most is: This fat woman actually had the confidence and courage to step out of her house into the world, wearing a short skirt that would reveal her fat legs. But this was the kind of reaction she got from the rest of the world! No wonder fat people are generally not confident about themselves! It's precisely because society discriminates against them and doesn't give them a chance to feel accepted.

*P.S. I am not saying that I approve of people wearing super short skirts that reveal their butts. I'm just talking about how a woman's fatness made it not okay for her to wear the same clothes as skinny women.

Fat People Are Treated Unfairly

This is something my guy friend posted on Facebook a few days ago (all names have been hidden to respect the privacy of those involved). Pardon the Singlish used. Let's analyse this Facebook status, shall we?

Obese couple making out in public. Eyesore ttm.


So apparently, obese couples displaying affection in public are "eyesores". I'm not a fan of Public Displays of Affection, neither am I against it, but my point here is, does their obesity make them an eyesore? What if you saw a really hot, attractive couple making out in public? Would you post "A totally hot couple making out in public. What an eyesore!" 

HELL NO! If you were truly against PDA in general, you would just post "a couple making out in public". So my Facebook friend is obviously against FAT people showing public displays of affection! But apparently it's okay for skinny people to make out in public?

This is exactly why I hate being fat. Fat people are treated differently from normal people. Fat people are humans, are they not? And normal people are humans too, are they not? So how come the sight of fat people making out in public is an eyesore, whereas the sight of normal-sized people making out in public is less of an eyesore? Why? It's unfair, isn't it! It's the exact same act of "making out", but it's not received with the same views just because of a difference in size.

Also, take note of the purple guy's comment.

"That's what I call a horror movie!"


What movie today doesn't have a little romance where the hero and heroine share a kiss at some point during the movie? But the guy and girl involved are always attractive (and definitely not fat), right? Argh! A movie where the hero and heroine are fat would never sell as well as a movie where the hero and heroine look like Brad and Angelina (or Jennifer, if you like her better, which I do). More and more unfairness towards fat people!

Old Clothes Don't Fit Anymore!

Yesterday, I wore a shirt that I'd bought two years ago (when I was much skinnier). It was a little tight, so I asked my younger sister, "Hey, do you want this shirt?"

And guess what she said.


"Didn't this shirt used to be like, really really loose on you?... No offence."

Now was that a slap in the face or what? She might as well have said, "Wow, you used to be really skinny, but now you're so freaking fat that you can't even fit into your old clothes anymore! Ha ha ha!"

Clothes are simply a reminder of your weight. If your old clothes get looser, it means you lost weight. If your old clothes get tighter, it means you gained weight. And if you are like me and can't fit into your old clothes, it psychologically makes you want to kill yourself, because it reminds you of a time when you were actually slim and good-looking, thus reminding you about how bad you look right now.

This is definitely something I despise about being fat. I don't fit into all my old clothes! It's as though I have to keep buying new clothes to accommodate my ever-expanding body. Yuck!

Guys Don't Like Fat Girls

Here's a very good reason why I despise my fatness.

I met this guy when I was slim and beautiful, and we became the best of friends. I liked him, and I got the sense that he liked me too! We even went on a date. I was really happy.

But after I gained some weight (when I stopped dieting), he treated me totally different! He'd be cold whenever I talked to him, and he acted as though we had never shared a special friendship. From best friends, we became mere acquaintances.

And I know guys like these are jerks who are not worth caring about. I mean, the very fact that he would treat me so differently just because I was fatter than before, makes my blood boil. What's the deal with that kind of behavior! I'm still the exact same person as before, even though I may look different. I helped him through a lot of his problems, and he helped me through mine, on a very close and emotional level.

Yeah, maybe he's really a jerk for changing his attitude towards me, even though I never really changed my attitude towards him. So technically I should stop caring so much about that jerk. But part of me can't help but think that if I had never grown fat, he wouldn't have stopped being my best friend, and might even become my boyfriend in the future (it seemed to be heading that way, anyway).

So I blame it on the fats! Yeah yeah I could blame him for being such a jerk, but I still like him very much despite all those things, so I'd rather blame it on the fats. Fats caused me to lose a very special friend. Fats got in the way of a meaningful friendship. Fats made me lose the biggest happiness in my life.

Which is why I really have to get rid of the fats, right?

Pilot

Hello there.

As an introduction, I will tell you a bit about my country, Singapore.

Being a girl in Singapore is definitely not easy, especially if you are overweight. In general, guys are more accepting of each other. Girls, on the other hand, are way more selective when it comes to choosing their friends. It's not true that girls would never befriend a fat girl, but in general, the skinnier girls are the popular ones, and the obese girls are the lonelier ones.

What's more, a significant percentage of teenage girls in Singapore are really really skinny! In school, I am just surrounded by skinny girls. In fact, I can safely say that I'm the only fat girl in my class! Doesn't it suck to be the only fat one in the class? Don't get me wrong, my friends are really lovely people and I don't think they care at all that I'm fat. But still, it sucks to be unique in such an undesirable area! People can refer to me as, "You know, the fat girl from class XX". What a horrible way to be identified!

I'm also really tall for a girl. Being short and fat is not as bad, because short and fat people are considered "cute". BUT, being tall and fat makes me a giant. I'm not imagining things - more than one person has actually called me a "giant", or "gigantic" before! No doubt their intentions were not harmful, but still! A GIANT? What are they saying? I shake the earth when I walk? I make them feel tiny? Okay fine, Asians are generally tinier and shorter, so that makes me a giant just because I am comparatively bigger.

So you can probably tell that I REALLY HATE BEING FAT. Being surrounded by skinny girls who refer to me as a "giant" most certainly does not help my hate at all.